So much has happened the whole time I wasn't writing here on my online journal. Second semester started just three weeks ago, and school works are already piling up. I thought freehand drawing (my latest major subject) was a piece of cake-and I was damn wrong. It wasn't easy at all. I need to transform my eyes into a great pair of binoculars in order to see the very articulate details of whatever it is that we're supposed to draw. My job being a sister to my not-so-small sister is hard, but hey, I can't run away from that. Philippines is starting to be a Christmas hotspot-they've got lanterns and decorated trees and all kinds of Christmassy stuff around, making me sick to my stomach because of homesickness. I've recently finished Da Vinci Code and it confused the fuck out of me. Don't get me wrong, I loved the book. Its just that... its kind of confusing, and sometimes, convincing. I'm starting to read 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and I'm liking it. And today is our first day of exchanging of gifts here in our dorm room. Sigh, no need to elaborate on the other small stuff. But I have a few insights on some things that happened to me. It may seem shallow but, I'm going to share it anyway...
Recently, I've been watching Alley McBeal. I remember back in high school, I used to watch that soap and it really inspired me. Alley is a great lawyer, and she sometimes uses her heart over logical reasoning. But one thing that she lacks: love. Sure she has lots of dates and guys but she always end up alone in her room. Why? Well, maybe because she is a great example of people with paranoia when it comes to commitments and relationships. And that's what I like about Alley, I can relate to her love problems. She always asks herself, 'when is it going to be my turn?' then instantly she'll remember that she is a goddamn paranoid and she is scared of commitments. Sigh… what a sad, sad woman. And I guess if I continue acting like alley, I'll end up as a sad woman too. Another deep sigh...
I have a guy friend whom I met a couple of months ago when I was in Abu Dhabi. I didn't thought that we'll be able to talk again because we weren't that interested in each other. But fate has its own way, and this time it reached us through Internet. Haha. Pathetic eh? Internet. Nice. Well, we kind of chatted and got to know each other (I think), and we seemed to develop a, crush, or whatever it is that makes us feel giddy when we see each other pop up in MSN messenger. I like him because he is a thinking man, and because he's cute and all. But, sad to say, he has a son. He's only 22 but he said accidents do happen. But whatever. I feel giddy and flighty whenever he pops in my screen. And the funny thing is that we confessed to each other that we dreamt of each other. And the dream was the same. And you might ask what was the dream? Well, it's for me to know and for you to do nothing. I don't even know why the hell I love talking to this guy. He asked me if I am the kind of person who tempts fate. Well, honey, if you're reading this, if I am a person who tempts fate, I would have had a dozen boyfriends now. But seeing that I'm already 19 and still single, well, isn't it obvious that I am a person who has strict principles in life, and I am a woman who will wait for the right guy, in the right place, and at the right time. I am a strong woman with dignity and pride. And I will stick to what I believe in.
Sigh. Sometimes I'm thinking of bending my rules and tempt fate for a change. Maybe I'll not just date a guy this time, maybe I'll give it a shot and have a mushy relationship like other girls do. Maybe I'll even start to like some cute lesbian in my school. Maybe I'll start to appreciate guys who have loved me before, and beg for them to love me again this time. Maybe I’ll even take a flight to Venice, and be with you, and try that kiss you were talking about. Haha. Maybe, maybe.
See all the writings here today? This is a result of too much Alley McBeal show and too much stress my freakin school is giving me. I promise to write more sensible stuff next time...later...
Oh, and while composing this, I'm currently listening to Malaysian tourism music. I missed dancing, touring the emirates and having fun while being paid big, big bucks for it all. Sigh.
This is definitely a sigh-ful entry. Sigh.
