this year's love

this year's love-david gray

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So who's to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

la lang.

i'm back, but not to post some story about the wonderful things thats been happening to me these days, im just here to say that i am still alive and yeah i still use the internet daily. i still read read my friends' blogs and the news. i just dont feel like posting happy events here when there's so much goin on around me. PHILIPPINES IS IN DEEP SHIT RIGHT NOW. well as we all know pinas has been in real deep shit eversince what, the time of the dinasours? okay i am exaggerating. well right now we are economically and politicaly submerged to the ground and it is so low that i, who is probably one of the most "walang pakealam" persons in pinas, can feel the problem in my bones. everyday it is on the TV, newspapers, text messages, conversations with cab drivers and my professors. even the bums on the streets talks about it. it is everywhere. and i cant bear to just sit here and post how happy i am with the guy i am with right now, and pretend that i am living in wonderland. nah. i believe i am old enough to be aware.

i wish the gloria macapagal and susan rocess and their FPJ supporters shit would stop. its getting on my nerves. and my god, its like we are sinking lower and deeper everyday. i am a filipino and even though i hate our situation, i have to accept it and in my own little way, do something about it.

surrendering to the conquerors before would have been a great option. (haha, peace to those nationalists and patriots out there). but really, it would have been way different. philippines have always fought for our independence, but look at us right now, we're all going to different directions, attacking each other and doing nothing to improve our shit. talk about being independent. gah.

wait, i think sinapian ako ng philippine history prof ko. nyaha.

yeah, like i can change pinas right now.

on the other lighter side of life, i am happy. i have lots of new found friends, and of course, future prospects and clients in my career. haha. old friendships that have been put aside was once again revived. academics is pretty rough but im still surviving and having a great time. nightlife has never been this fun(yeah i love being 20!) and this guy beside me loves me. my family's doin great as well. yes, i can say that i am happy.

i am happy but still, there's that empty space in my heart. i don't need to elaborate. you know who you are. i think.

yesterday my mom left for AUH again. god im miss her already. when we dropped her off in the airport, i hugged her so tight and smelled her essence for the last time again. and its agood thing i was wearing sunglasses, that way she didnt saw me crying. sigh. i wish i could return back with her in AUH... cant wait to see her again.

when i came home from the airport, i went online to ease my loneliness. and its a good thing Jap and Raimond was online too. we had a blast chatting about us being artists (jap will be a culinary art expert one day, raimond will be an animator, and i will be an architect-interior designer, lolz) and we discussed a lot about life, philosophy, confucius and of course, love. haha. and nicole went online too and we reminisced the good old days that we had here in pinas. thanks guys for cheering me up. i swear i felt like i was in AUH again, talkng to you all in our old classroom in PISCO. thanks.

Jap, goodluck with the presentation. Raimond, take your time with the girls, and remember to choose the best because you deserve the best. Nicole, i miss the roadtrips with you and kiwi. and of course our coffee sessions and our spontanous talks. one fine day, all of these will happen again. we'll see each other again, i know we will.

one thing i learned last year is that not everything i wanted or planned will be mine, specially if its not meant to be. some things are just not for me. i know that. and i am still trying to accept that fact. and i am still trying to move on.

part of me tells me that i will never love like that again. i will never find another guy like him, and i will never, ever be happy if he's not the one that i'll end up with. part of me still wishes that he might call one day and tell me that he feels the same way. part of me hopes that he will look my way, and see me. see right through me. part of me believes that he will love me too, someday, when the time is right...

the other part of me tells me that i should forget the man of my dreams who is thousands of miles away from me. and that i should give a chance to this man in front of me, who loves me despite of the fact that i do not feel anything for him. the other part of me tells me that this man in front of me is sincere, for he has already proven his feelings for me, in the most astounding ways i have never expected. and this man in front of me has already included me in his future plans. and i don't know if i will break his heart if one day i will say no to him. this man in front of me loves me regardless of my imperfections, and he thinks that i am worthy enough to be called his wife. this man in front of me has no idea tha he is wasting his time on me.

there are a lot of what ifs running through my mind right now. what if the man of my dreams feels the same way for me? what if this whole waiting period will bear fruit someday? what if God is just testing me, testing my patience? what if all of these were bullshit and the man in front of me is the one? what if i say no to this guy and everything good that is supposed to happen to me will all be gone, and i'll end up all alone because of my stupid dreams? what is there's no such thing as falling in love, and people do not really fall for their partners, they just... get together because they have something in common or something? what if?

today is a really melancholy day for me. i don't know if its the effect of 5 marlboro lights with ice cream. but whatever... sometimes reality hits you in the face so hard that you can't shake the thought for days. yes, these thoughts was swimming in my mind for days now... and here's an equally sad song that i have been listening to...

I can't make you love me if you don't...
Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hoursI will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holdin me
Mornin will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't...


my phone is ringing right now. he's calling. no, not the man miles away, just the man near me. yes, its just him. but what the heck, he loves me. i wish i can return that love too. i wish...

happy mother's day

Mothers. Who can live with them, and without them? im pretty sure that all of you will agree with me when i say that they can really be a pain in the ass sometimes. mothers are these paranoid, over-protective, really mushy and sentimental creatures. they torment you with their over-acting rants about how hard it is raising kids. they scrutinize your every act as if they're some guard in the mall looking for illegal stuff in your bag. they over react when an anonymous male calls your phone. they hate it when you go out on a date, specially when they hate the guy. they call you immature and irresponsible when you left the pc still plugged. mothers can really be a pest in the morning, when they drag you out of the bed and disturb your erotic dream about some hot hunk. every mom is a stage mom, they always want their kids to be in the spotlight, to be the star. mothers are really annoying when they ground you. moms always shove these yucky vegetables in your mouth, telling you that these stuff will make you healthier. mothers will never ever let you get away without asking where will you go, what time will you be back and who are you with. moms can label you unhygienic, bum, unorthodox and unethical when you left your socks in your trainers. gah! mothers can really be thrifty. and i think all mothers are profesional "bungagera" when they're mad and provoked.

but you cant help but love them regardless of all the annoying stuff that they do. my mom never fails to amaze me when i remember all the sacrifices that she made for me and my sister. she managed to support us in every aspect, specially when she and my dad had separated. even with her busy schedule, she managed to be there in almost all of our school activities whether it may be big or small. when we moved to Abu dhabi and learned to live with other nationalities, she helped us to be liberated in a positive way, and at the same time, she never forgot to remind us of being a Filipino and raised us the normal pinoy way. when i entered college, she has supported me with the course i wanted to take, and even though i've been to three universities and already took up three different courses, she understood me. she understands that i am going through a stage of self-discovery, and i know that she never left my side. she gave me and my sister these material stuffs that every teenager would want, yet she never spoiled us. when i am here in the philippines and she's back abroad, a day would not pass without a simple hi from her. she stayed with me when i was sick, and she prayed for me when i was lost and confused. but most of all, she believed in me. and i believe that is love.

what my mother and i have, i can never put into words. i can never list all of the good things she has done for me, because it is endless, boundless. i have always put her up in this high pedestal, where i have always looked up on her as my inspiration and strength. she is my hero and i love her, more than words can explain, more than she will ever know.

happy mother's day Ma!

oldies

this morning my tita beng cleaned up old photo albums and showed me these awesome pictures of our family. i was so fascinated by some of them that i decided to post it here. its nice to look back at the past and learn your origins. i wish my children will also appreciate my old pictures. haha. maybe they will have a good laugh too, like i did today.

summer gets even better... i am experiencing new things everyday. and i cant wait for my mom to arrive, only 5 days to go and she's here again! yay!

my mom during a school parade. this is my most fave pic. what a classic provincial scene. and my mom looked awesome in this pic. 

my mom (enlarged image) 

family picture (my mom, my lola, lolo and tita beng) 

my mom and tita beng in luneta park 

lolo and lola in batangas 

tita beng and my mom in bulacan 

im back..

for those of you who thought that i've ran away from civilization, or if i was abducted by aliens from outer space, or if i'm already dead, guys, please. geez, im still alive. i am currently in my tita's place in the beautiful batangas(its a lil bit provincial but a great place to be in specially on vacations). right now i am writing this entry while sitting near the window, admiring the quiet scene outside while the rain gently pours. ahhh. what a perfect day to just sit back and relax, drink home-made Latte, smoke some marlboro lights(my fave cigs), listen to some norah jones or dave matthews band music, read a good book, draw, and of course, write.

i was laughing my ass off when i checked my mail, my message box and my friendster. people were like, "tangina nasan ka na?", "hey avi, where the hell have you been?" and even "avi, buhay ka pa ba?". yes i am still alive, still sane and still the old avi. i am just having a vacation and having the time of my life. the place where i am in right now does not have an internet connection thats why i cant check my mails and post here in my site regularly. but, here i am now. for those of you who insist on knowing where on earth have i been, this entry is for you nosey people. lolz.

during these past few weeks of isolating myself from the internet world, i became attached to the "real" world". you know, i was kind of drawn to the fact of reliving and savouring every moment of my life, instead of writing it all down here for everyone to read. and i think its better that way. i've just finished reading this book called "Life of Pi", by Yann Martel (and thank you, Cielo, for lending me this book). its a book about an indian boy who became the sole human survivor of a shipwreck in the pacific ocean. he was stuck on a little boat together with a hyena, a zebra and a tiger. during those period of cruising in the middle of nowhere, he learned a lot of things in life, specially on survival, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. well i think i can pretty much relate to this story. the world, specially my world, is a non-stop routine of studying, partying, dealing with problems, overcoming problems, travelling and a lot more. and i have discovered some things during these times. firstly, i have discovered that if you will go with the flow and just ride this roller coaster with your eyes closed and your body numb of feeling any emotions because you are so goal-oriented, well, you will never understand how blessed you are for having this very immense opportunity called life. see, some of us are very pre-occupied with our goals, problems, and some earthly shit that we tend to forget that every second of our life should be relished, appreciated and loved. second to this is that we should take time to just sit and have a good conversation with a good friend. i have done a lot of this during my 2nd term, and believe me, it really helps. im glad i have very smart and witty friends in taft... they keep me sane when i feel claustrophobic in my horrifying all-girl uni. haha. im just kidding. but seriously, a chat with a close friend at the end of the day can really help you evaluate your daily life. and a lot of starbucks frap will nicely go with this conversation too. haha. thirdly, i have discovered that everyday in life, you make descisions, whether it may be big or small, YOU have to make it. and when making these descisions, do not be afraid to take chances and most specially do not be afraid to believe in yourself. this really worked for me and i have proven this specially in my academic life. and stay with the positive people who boosts your morale, and listen to those not-so-positive people who sometimes tell you that you are not good enough, make them your inspiration to be better. besides, each and everyone of us is entitled to our own opinions, so when you hear them say negative stuff about you, just tell yourself, "fuck 'em, i dont give a goddamn shit about what theyre saying!!!" haha.

wait, im starting to sound like a self-help and inspirational book here. i better stop this or else you guys will think that i've lost it. haha.

so, for the nosey people who constantly ask whats up in my so-called life, haha.. here are some events that just popped in my head randomly..

- last two weeks of march was pure hell. haha. it was finals week so you can just imagine the papers i have to pass, the plates and floorplans and perspectives i have to design, draw and finish, the brain-melting tests i have to take...gah! hell!!! but its all worth it and when i got my grades and saw that it was aight, i felt satisfied... the hard work was all worth it...
- while in this two weeks of finals, we still managed to party, and this part was heaven. haha. belle(my roomate) and i have met a lot NFF(new found friends...haha) while clubbing in eastwood almost every time we have the money. haha. it was fun. dancing really puts you in a happy mood. ahhh. its nice to be young, you can multi-task a lot... haha...
- last week of march till first week of april, still the celebrating period. haha. and in between these days my sister and i are spending almost every morning in our dental clinic for our braces. shit. and you guys think that those who wear braces are cute? hell, the pain is indescribable! plus, these fucking metals is not just the medication you're gonna get, you still have to undergo series of tests and cleanings and tooth removals if you have any excess. yuck. you know, i think i can survive all of these, what i cant survive is the food deprivation. i cant eat properly with these things stuck in my mouth... sniff..sniff.. i should have listened to my mother when she told me to have the braces years ago... sniff..sniff..
- as you all know, my birthday is april 1st, but because of dental appointments, i moved the celebration on april 2nd. it was a joint celebration with jomai who has the same birthday, we ate dinner in Jack's Loft and then proceeded to Blue O to drink and dance. it was an awesome, casual night with my friends... too bad my high school friends didnt make it. haha. and i kind of liked the idea that it was my birthday, because my phone was ringing with phone calls and text messages non-stop the whole day. hehe, so feeling star naman ako. haha. thanks to those people who remembered my birthday...
- ricky left for the US. enough said. if i will talk more about the details, it will just make me sad... i miss you ricky, and im glad that we had the opportunity to spend some quality time before you left. and by the way, nothing has changed with me. i am still your bestfriend. and i know that you know that...
- second week of april till today... im here in my tita's place in batangas and while waiting for my mom to arrive this may, my sister and i are enjoying the life of a vacationist here. all we do is sleep, eat a lot, attend reunions, weddings, go swimming with cousins and relatives. its like we are on vacation heaven. haha. and its nice to be here and get to know my other relatives whom i dont know, and some of my relatives in the US came here to have the traditional filipino summer vacation. when my mom comes here on may, she said that we're going to the palawan island. wow. that means i get to ride on a ship. man, i cant wait.

this year's summer is great. the sun, the beaches, the boys, the new blossoming relationships*winks*, the food, all those free time to do anything anytime, anywhere, the time you get to spend with family and friends, the new stuff you learn from your new pals, and the old memories you get to share with your old friends... but im not gonna conclude this yet... im still halfway the summer vacation here so im just gonna end this entry with a simple advice, ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU ARE STILL YOUNG...

PS: well, theres lots of things that are still running around my mind that i want to write and share with you guys, but i have to go now, my stomach is rumbling and i think that i need to go to the bathroom (ewww. avi, why do you need to share these stuff?) i think i ate too much this morning. haha.. but before i go i need to greet and apologize to some of my friends..

ANGELI, i know you are looking for me. here i am. i just wanna say i miss you so much.
NICK, congratulations on your graduation. im proud of you...
NING, congratulations on your graduation! and im sorry i missed your graduation party... i swear bawi ako sayo next time
LALAINE, happy 18th birthday... im sorry i missed your debut thingy... its just that wromg timing yun party mo. i was in a party as well that day... sorry...

yun mga nakalimutan ko... nakalimutan ko talaga e. haha. im beginning to have a short term memory problem like dory. haha. blame it on the summer fever. haha...
this is a pretty long entry... haha...

he's gay...

on the lighter side of life...

last night while i was hanging out in starbucks, i met this cute guy named Vermont. we shared a single table and eventually, it lead to a spontaneous conversation. he was very nice, super intelligent (he's from UP, taking up a pre-med studies), and he was this perfect gentleman. we talked about everything under the dim lights of starbucks, haha.

after three and a half hours of pure innocent conversation (10.30pm-1.00am), i was beginning to like this guy. i mean, whats not to like? he was near to perfection. and out of nowhere, out of curiousity, i asked him, "you know what, Vermont, you're too good to be true. are you gay?" he said with a kind smile, "yes, i am gay". it was like i was hit with a mallet in the head, and i asked him again, "really? how gay?", he said, "as gay as it gets"...

that moment i wanted to scream. you are alone doing your homework and sipping your vanilla cream, and here comes the perfect guy, and he talks to you, and you both like each other. but he's fucking gay. sigh. will someone stab me in the heart, please? this has happened to me twice. and the second one was really hard to accept. haha. we ended up laughing at each other. la la la! he's gay.

he explained why he's gay. he said that being gay or straight does not make any difference as long as you are happy and you're true to yourself. his exact words were something like this: "you see, avi, im in this psychosphere, the boundary, the line between being gay and being straight, and im basically in the middle. i dont know yet who i want to be but i know right now, right this moment, that i am happy. maybe i still am searching for my true self, but i am contented with what i have today. kung ano yun tinitibok ng puso ko, dun ako. but who knows? i might be straight one day" and he winks at me. my heart melted. damn.

well Vermont, thank you for that very valuable lesson in life. you really made me smile. and made me a little mature. haha. and i pray that tumor in your head gets better. i will see you again in starbucks. it was nice meeting you and thank you for walking with me on my way home.

and yeah, if you want to un-gay yourself, and you need a hot "wham-bham-thank-you-ma'm" (hehe i just copied what you said, haha) one night stand, feel free to call me. i'd be glad to help you out. haha. i know you're laughing your ass off right now. hahaha.

i love being 19. everyday you meet another person who changes your outlook in life. everyday i look forward to new possibilities and opportunities. i know i will be wiser one day, because i am not afraid to take chances, and i am not afraid to try. and most of all, i am not afraid to believe in myself, and stand up for what i believe in.

i wonder who will i meet today... hmmm...

micheal

my friend Micheal, from DLSU, died last week. i was told by Roan yesterday that she was trying to contact me the other day so i would know this tragic news. Micheal died because of a car accident. Roan said that the car crashed at around 2am, he died around 7am. and i hate myself because i should be crying for a loss of a good friend, but i am not. am i that numb? i should be mourning for my former seatmate who made me laugh, who told me stories about his childhood, who shared the stories he have just read, who was once my inspiration because of his unbelievable intelligence and guts... but i am not crying. i cant feel anything last night. but today i woke up feeling depressed. its only this morning that i felt the sadness, and when i was in the shower, i broke down. sigh. late reaction nanaman ako, kainis.

micheal, wherever you are right now, i just want you to know that i have always appreciated your kindness to me. and that i will never, ever forget you. may you rest in peace my good friend. i'll see you in heaven...

happy hearts day

i thought was gonna be alone yesterday. ryan and i was supposed to go out on a date but unfortunately he has to attend this rally in his school (their school, Mapua, was raging mad because the managers are planning to change their school name to Malayan. lol. Malayan? wtf?!). its a good thing my roomates, some of them are the members of the "Alpha no Papa" gang was there to enlighten me. we planned to go out on a dinner date at around 8pm. i took a nap when i came back from school and around 6.30pm, Agness called me and said that she wanted to hang out. i said yes, just to kill the time before 8pm. when i came to starbucks, Fred was there, and so was Elijah, the cute chinito guy (woohoo! new prospect! nyahaha! head over heels kami ni Agness sa kanya). lolz. i decided to stay with them and told my roomates that i wont come to the dinner date na lang. haha.

the night turned out to be a wacky foursome date. two guys and two girls. lolz. we interrogated each other (you know, the famous hot seat! haha), ate brownies and sipped vanilla creams in starbucks, smoked a little (Elijah hate smokers, haha, that means he hated the three of us that night. nyahaha). later that night we went to Agness' condo and stayed at the 26th floor, the rooftop, and played dugtong-kanta, sang mushy songs for each other, reminisced about the good old days, star gazed (but unfortunately there were no stars), played the guitar and sang more songs. haha. that was fun. i thought i won't have any date this valentines but yesterday, the heavens are on my side. i went home that night, morning rather, lol, feeling happy and exhausted. it was the funniest and weirdest valentines i've ever had. thanks Elijah, Agness and Fred!

ahhh. the joys and sorrows of being single. haha.

but you know the weird part? i missed celebrating valentines day the mushy way. haha. no need to worry. i bet next year will be really mushy for me. nyahaha. *winks*

happy hearts day to you all!

angeli and doug: congratulations! ayos! 2 years! stay strong! love you guys!

heaven

i love this song. its called heaven by the Los Lonely Boys (a trio of mexican and santana looking guys who plays the guitar like santana as well. lolz. check them out, they're a grammy nominee this year against usher, alicia and the other pop star airheads)... anyways i think i can very well relate to this song. i feel like i am in this prison, a happy and superficial prison where everyone is laughing, partying and having good time. i feel like im standing somewhere between being happy and being lonely. im not making any sense am i? haha. blame it on my fucking schoolworks. this song is for the people out there who are lost... like me.

Heaven
Save me from this prison
Lord help me get away
Cause only you can save me now
From this misery
Cause I've been lost in my own place
And I'm getting' weary
How far is heaven
And I know I need to change
My ways of livin'
How far is heaven, Lord can you tell me
Cause I've been locked up way too long
In this crazy world, how far is heaven
I just keep on prayin'
Lord Just keep on livin',
how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me, how far is heaven
I just got to know how far, how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me
(translated from Spanish: You that's in a higher place
Send me down a blessing)
Cause I know there's a better place
Than this place I'm livin', how far is heaven
And I just got to have some faith
And just keep on giving, how far is heaven
I just wanna know how far


there you go. another feel-good music... ahhh... thank God for musicians like them... the world is already full of crap, we dont need another pop star bimbo who shakes her ass and pretend that she can sing. gah! enough.

la lang

okay agness eto na im updating na!! haha. nah. im just gonna drop a short message. the reasons why i am not updating this blog: 1. my schedule is very busy (both academically and umm, nightlify? wtf?), 2. our internet connection was cut and, 3. i've been thinking a lot lately (yeah, right.)

for those of you who reads this blog, well, im gonna update when the time is right. i just want you to know guys that im still alive (very alive) and im enjoying every single moment of my life. one thing i learned these past few weeks: enjoy life because you can never bring back time. enjoy your youth while you still can. and another thing, dont let your "saint-like friends" put you down. (winks at someone). haahahahahaha.

my wannabe strips. hehe. la lang. 

numb

sigh. its 12.30 am right now and im still awake (and its kind of ironic because im supposed to wake up early tommorrow for my biology class). i cant sleep these past few days. i've been thinking a lot of things lately. in front of the people around me, i smile and laugh a lot, but deep inside, i ache and cry. for those of you who already know the real me, you know im good in hiding what i feel. i realised whats the reason why im aching deep inside just this evening. i was in starbucks-taft with my roomates and a common friend. it was the usual coffee session i use to have with friends. you gulp down large amount of caffeine and talk your ass off. you laugh a lot and pretend that everythings okay. but deep inside its not. i decided to go outside to have some smokes. i met this guy, paul. he shared an empty seat with me and my other friend. paul isnt the "ordinary" guy. he's big, he's got earrings and black accessories that matched his equally black outfit. he definitely looked goth to me. anyways, i noticed he was writing something in a journal of some sort. i asked him about it and he said he loves to write. and then the conversation began. he said he keeps an online journal as well, and he's into computers. while i was talking to this guy, i noticed that my friends who are staying inside starbucks are already making fun of me. you know, the kind of "yihee... uuuyyy... si avi kausap yun weird na guy...". i felt sick in my stomach. yeah, i felt sick and ashamed that i decided to go back inside with my superficial world. gah. i realised there are two sides of me. one is the true avi, who doesnt-care-what-others-might-think-as-long-as-im-having-a-great-time, and the other one is the fake avi, who discriminates-people-because-people-told-me-to-do-so. gah. up till now i feel sick for being so... so... fuck! see, i cant even explain it. what is wrong with me?


this incident reminded me of my very good friend ____, whom i just lost recently because of my immature act. i told him i really liked him, and yea, i guess i did. i like him because he has a lot of sense in him even though people see him as this weird guy. and he liked me too, he told me so. but because of a small mistake that he made, and because i was so protective of my "reputation" (huh?), well, i kind of driven him away. and now i dont know what to think. he sent me this letter that made me cry and realise what a jerk i was...


Avi, I'm quite sorry about your reputation. I'm sorry about our dreams. I'm sorry that we turned out this way. I'm sorry that we can't be friends. I'm sorry that you have to live under a teenage label. It's okay that you stereotype me. It's okay that you would hate me. It's okay that you would feel the way you do. I'm sorry if we wouldn't be communicating ever again. It's okay if you wouldn't accept my apologies. I know I was wrong. I hope you understand too that you were wrong in some way. It's okay if you choose not to understand. I'd love you as a friend whatever you would think. Take care of yourself. Goodbye.


after that, he's gone. yes, i guess he's right, i need a lot of growing up to do. im still a child in a lot of ways. and even though people thinks im cool, i am a loser in my own way.


God i miss talking to him.

a very very late entry

This is a very, very late Christmas and New Year entry. ( forgive me, I was too busy and, umm, too lazy?)

Hey everyone! Sorry for not writing anything in here for a long time now. I've been very busy with a lot of things lately. After Christmas break, we're back to school and things have turned to hell. Haha. Nah, that's another exaggeration from me, Avigail the great.
Since this is a VERY late entry about my Christmas and New Year vacation, I'll make this very short and sweet. (wtf? Sweet? Lol..)

Christmas was spent at my Lola's place in Laguna. It was nice to be back in our old house where we (my sister and I) spent our childhood years. And it was nicer to be back to being a kid again. Our Lola took care of us 24/7 and pampered us to the max. Home-cooked meals were always served and we can wake up as late as we want to. But I guess the highlight of our stay in Laguna was our reunion with our childhood pals. We're all in college now, some of us are already in their senior year and some are already working. It was crazy-all of us together, reminiscing the good old days of being a carefree kid. We'd hang out everyday just like the old times, but now we aren't hanging out to play anymore, we'd hang out to talk about life, love, sex, jobs, careers, and everything under the sun (or in our case, under the moon, haha, because we'd start hanging out at around 9pm till dawn) have some smoke (and sometimes some booze too, haha). Man I loved being in Laguna. A big shout to my childhood pals: thank you for making our Christmas an unforgettable one. Christmas would have been so boring if it weren't for your company. We really had a blast didn't we? Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

New year here in the Philippines was supposed to be NOISY. But we had ours quietly (damn, we never had the chance to light up some fireworks!!! The Espiritus were chickens when it comes to fireworks!!!). We moved to Leeann's place Dec 27 to spend the New Year there. It was kind of lonely because there was just Leeann, Joyce, JC, Joy and I at the house. And we ran out of money before Media Noche that's why we ended up eating hotdogs and bread. But you know what touched me the most? Each other's company. From what I observed, even though there were just the five of us at the big house of the Espiritu's, we acted like a family. And that really made it all special. With each other's company, we felt like we were in Abu Dhabi once again. And I have to compliment Leeann's patience on the four of us. Even though we (JC, Joy and I) acted like complete zombies, and even though we kept on bumming around the house, she has always managed to smile and act as though nothing happened. She was like our mother during our stay in their house. Love you bru! Thanks for everything!

I received some pretty nice presents this year, and here are some of them:
A Sony Digital 8 DCR-TRV265E Handy Cam from my mom (this is the biggest and most expensive present I've received this year… I luurrv my momma!), a pair of Birkenstock slippers from my sister (I really needed a new pair of sturdy slippers!), some money from my two grannies, a bunch of pencils and an eraser from Lalaine(duh!), a book, "You Can Be A World Changer" from Leeann and Joyce (I really love this. It's a compilation of 101 famous people who made a big difference in the world. This book will be a good source of information and I could use this someday for some reference when I’m into public speaking again), a long, overseas phone call from _ _ _ (That really, really, really made my night!), a pair of red flip-flops from Dane, a cute Russ stuffed toy from Jam, which I named Cat the Bear-Dog (because I really cant identify him whether he's a cat, a bear or a dog, haha), a super cute dog key chain from Sel, a Philips sound blast earphones from April (I super-duper-mega-over like it!)

Sigh… I still wanted that iPod… Haha. But you know what would have been a great present? My family and I spending Christmas together in Abu Dhabi. That would definitely top all the great presents in the whole world. Well except for the ipod of course. Haha, joke! Happy New Year everyone!!!