drawing session 

im really sick right now. got a nasty cold the other day. maybe because of the weather, or maybe the too much sweets im shoving into my mouth. gah! im sick of being sick!! its the pits!! you cant swallow your food easily and your head spins whenever you stand up to get something... and theres this nasty tissues with sipon everywhere...ugh...but im not gonna deprive myself from eating what i love to eat, thats why im eating a luscious cake together with a very, very cold Mc float right now... har har har!!! tsk tsk tsk... the things you do when you are in your youth... im literally abusing my body... tsk tsk tsk...

i'll think of changing into a better person later, after i finish gulping this Mc float beside me... :-S

underneath

this song kept playing on my laptop, my ears, my mind... just want to share this with you...

underneath-hanson

Waking up this morning thinking this can't be real... But they say there's nothing love can't heal.. Why don't you come on down so you can feel what I feel? Sitting all alone in this place..

Even though we're here face to face.

There is nothing gone, but there's something wrong..

Can't you see, that I'm stuck here underneath?

and you're making it hard to breathe..

Take a look around and tell me what you see..

You'll find me- underneath.

I know what to say but don't know where to begin. The fear of losing you beneath my skin. Is there resolution for this pain that I'm in...

If only you could feel what I dream. Maybe you could hear what I mean. There is nothing gone But there's something missing ...

sistaz 

because of absolute boredom, these girls went camera crazy till the wee hours of the night... curse you, yoyong!!!! u turned us into a bunch of loka-loka ladies!!! 

sadako wannabes 

room 108 

work it, baby! 

watch while the strong cess lift the giant choco chip tin!!!! oooooooo!!!! 

whoa! kayang-kaya mo yan ah.. 

sad storm

i cant bring myself to open the TV these days. all i see is people suffering from yoyong the storm. it breaks my heart that me and my roomates are all safe here in our luxurious dorm, having a dandy time because classes have been cancelled. oh, did we had a nice time? definitely. thursday afternoon, while bulacan is being drowned by the storm, we are watching a bridget jones diary 2 in robinson's place mall. my mom called from abu dhabi this morning telling me that they went camping since yesterday. seems that we're all enjoying this time, while others are already dying and suffering. i cant see justice in this. my friend told me today that its normal to have people on the other side of the world being happy while people on the other side are suffering. he said that its a balanced situation. all of us cant be happy and sad at the same time. we just have to accept things the way they are. oh well, i have too many problems to solve in my life and i cant add another one. i have to drop this thought, and, accept it...

friends

if i were to give a theme on what has happened to me these past few days, i'd name it as "old friendships". last saturday, while i was online in MSN messenger, renjie popped into my screen. i said hi, and it turned into a pleasant conversation. for me it was more than pleasant actually... ahhh... it made my day. by afternoon i went out to have a date with my bestfriend. altough we didnt watch a movie like i've anticipated, we had a nice talk over some burgers, fries, donuts and coke floats in McDonalds. that, also added to my already happy day... hay..

sunday morning, i was bored to death and slept like a mummy. i woke up at around 1.30pm. after eating a sloppy burger from burger machine(eeew), i went online. gail popped in and said hi. never knew her that well actually, but i know that i've met her once. next thing i knew we were talking our hearts out. we discussed about deep things like life, studies and our universities, our friends, death and dying and a lot more. i really liked talking to her because everytime we'll open up a new topic, we would always find out that we have the same interests. haha. its kinda freaky but its really, really funny to talk to your own kind (nyuck aliens ba kami? lol..) gail if you're reading this, i must say i really had a nice time talking to you. but my fingers ached like hell because of the continous typing the whole afternoon. haha. and yeah, sure lets meet up one day and hang out in starbucks or something. lets drive each other nuts. battle of the mouths. lol.

last night i was still online at around 2am. adrian was still online too. i was doing nothing important and so was he. i asked him for a cheesy testimonial, and he obeyed and made me one. ha! he made me one alright. he copy-pasted the lyrics of 'she will be loved' by maroon 5. i told him i dont need a very unpersonalized testi. but because he was already sleepy, he told me he'd write one for me in the morning. he left already and i was alone, still wide awake and still hyper. i made a funny testi for adrian to kill the time. it was really foul and funny. i had a good laugh making that testi. but the funniest thing that happened is that when i checked my friendster again, he gave me the exact same testimonial and he just edited some of it so it would be addressed to me. haha.

**************************************************************
loser / biatch / indian giver / super-lazy / egotistic / feeling sexy / frustrated fashionista / trying-hard designer / self-centered / in denial / nerd / fucking kolehiyala and ex-lasallite / too emotional / too manhid / mama's girl / papa's girl / obaob's toy / eats like it's her last meal / sleeps like she's been drugged / drools / can torture you with her non-stop rants about some shallow stuff / dirty young woman / gulps down cheeseburgers and shawarmas fast, with no effort at all / sucker / coward / selfish bastard / uber kuripot

. . . . . . .

she's annoyingly annoying. but i love her tho. why? because there was a time when i really got to know her... the real avi... and even though people say nasty stuff about her, i always remember that night in the cab(remember the deep conversation?) lol.so avi, stay the same. be the loser that i've come to hate and love. after all,we're all a bunch of losers here.hahaha. Take care...and yeah, your friendship means a lot to me, pal (",)

*************************************************************************

(^_^)

that adrian is a smart bastard. he returned back the same testimonial i gave him. hahahaha. this is by far the funniest testimonial i've ever had in my friendster. haha...

sighs

So much has happened the whole time I wasn't writing here on my online journal. Second semester started just three weeks ago, and school works are already piling up. I thought freehand drawing (my latest major subject) was a piece of cake-and I was damn wrong. It wasn't easy at all. I need to transform my eyes into a great pair of binoculars in order to see the very articulate details of whatever it is that we're supposed to draw. My job being a sister to my not-so-small sister is hard, but hey, I can't run away from that. Philippines is starting to be a Christmas hotspot-they've got lanterns and decorated trees and all kinds of Christmassy stuff around, making me sick to my stomach because of homesickness. I've recently finished Da Vinci Code and it confused the fuck out of me. Don't get me wrong, I loved the book. Its just that... its kind of confusing, and sometimes, convincing. I'm starting to read 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and I'm liking it. And today is our first day of exchanging of gifts here in our dorm room. Sigh, no need to elaborate on the other small stuff. But I have a few insights on some things that happened to me. It may seem shallow but, I'm going to share it anyway...

Recently, I've been watching Alley McBeal. I remember back in high school, I used to watch that soap and it really inspired me. Alley is a great lawyer, and she sometimes uses her heart over logical reasoning. But one thing that she lacks: love. Sure she has lots of dates and guys but she always end up alone in her room. Why? Well, maybe because she is a great example of people with paranoia when it comes to commitments and relationships. And that's what I like about Alley, I can relate to her love problems. She always asks herself, 'when is it going to be my turn?' then instantly she'll remember that she is a goddamn paranoid and she is scared of commitments. Sigh… what a sad, sad woman. And I guess if I continue acting like alley, I'll end up as a sad woman too. Another deep sigh...

I have a guy friend whom I met a couple of months ago when I was in Abu Dhabi. I didn't thought that we'll be able to talk again because we weren't that interested in each other. But fate has its own way, and this time it reached us through Internet. Haha. Pathetic eh? Internet. Nice. Well, we kind of chatted and got to know each other (I think), and we seemed to develop a, crush, or whatever it is that makes us feel giddy when we see each other pop up in MSN messenger. I like him because he is a thinking man, and because he's cute and all. But, sad to say, he has a son. He's only 22 but he said accidents do happen. But whatever. I feel giddy and flighty whenever he pops in my screen. And the funny thing is that we confessed to each other that we dreamt of each other. And the dream was the same. And you might ask what was the dream? Well, it's for me to know and for you to do nothing. I don't even know why the hell I love talking to this guy. He asked me if I am the kind of person who tempts fate. Well, honey, if you're reading this, if I am a person who tempts fate, I would have had a dozen boyfriends now. But seeing that I'm already 19 and still single, well, isn't it obvious that I am a person who has strict principles in life, and I am a woman who will wait for the right guy, in the right place, and at the right time. I am a strong woman with dignity and pride. And I will stick to what I believe in.

Sigh. Sometimes I'm thinking of bending my rules and tempt fate for a change. Maybe I'll not just date a guy this time, maybe I'll give it a shot and have a mushy relationship like other girls do. Maybe I'll even start to like some cute lesbian in my school. Maybe I'll start to appreciate guys who have loved me before, and beg for them to love me again this time. Maybe I’ll even take a flight to Venice, and be with you, and try that kiss you were talking about. Haha. Maybe, maybe.

See all the writings here today? This is a result of too much Alley McBeal show and too much stress my freakin school is giving me. I promise to write more sensible stuff next time...later...

Oh, and while composing this, I'm currently listening to Malaysian tourism music. I missed dancing, touring the emirates and having fun while being paid big, big bucks for it all. Sigh.

This is definitely a sigh-ful entry. Sigh.

wtf?

woke up late again. accidentally banged my elbows on the bathroom's door. slipped on a shampoo droppings on the shower. shower gel entered my ear and now im feeling a little deaf. still hungry. forgot the password of my tag board account, and now i cant fucking open it. only few money left in my wallet, and my allowance is due till next week. had LBM yesterday. need to try out for the badminton team even if i dont have a clue how it works and how is the proper scoring. havent paid the laundry yet. have a minor headache because of too much sleeping. forgot to watch pimp my ride. bumped on a guy and cursed aloud right to his face-not realising that he is an uber so cute guy and he looked like vaness from F4, fuck, totally blew my chance of meeting him. still need to read a gazillion facts about philippine history and still need to memorize the whole map. grrrrrr...

is this an "annoy-me-till-i-cry" day? or is this another one of those days when you cant do anything perfect?

why do i get the feeling that this will be a long and unhappy day?

(^_^)

avi, joyce and leeann. the best of friends enjoying the tranquil antipolo... :D 

antipolo at night... uhhh, leean, what is that thing near you? freaky! 

great weekend

so much has happened these past few weeks. and the good thing is that i have been a good girl all week long. yahoo! you know, no gimmicks, no boys, no smoking. man, it feels good to be good. hehe. last thursday, i went to RP with leeann and jc to watch the Incredibles. it was a nice flick, and it has nice morals as well. but i wouldnt recomend it for youngsters. it was too violent and deep. im sure kids wont understand the conversations involving the ships, their powers and a lot more. i guess its a cartoon made for the adults. whatever. i enjoyed it. it was an action cartoon. full of robust scenes. pak-pak-whapack!!


leeann invited me to go to antipolo for a prayer mountain thing. thinking that it was in antipolo and the view is nice(like in tagaytay), of course i said yes. so saturday afternoon, our bags were packed and we're raring to go. the drive was freakin long and we were confined inside like sardines. i remembered we had a hard time moving our knees. oh, wait, we cant even move our knees! man, it was sooo sikip. whoooo. once we got out of the van and saw the view, felt the coldness of the air, we knew that the not-so-nice ride was all worth it. and the best thing is that when u look up to the sky, it was like the stars were a few feet away from you. they looked so near that i think i could touch them right then and there. nice.

i didnt know though that we were supposed to be praying hard and fast really harder. okay i can take the praying part but i can NOT take the fasting part. i cant bear to skip a meal once. lalo na twice. so there i am in the mountain, enjoying God's presence thru the breath-taking nature, but i guess my stomach was not. it was grumbling and demanding for food. oh well. i cant eat because the people around me was fasting as well. they'll probably lock me in a room or something when they caught me eating (haha, i was just exxagerating). well i believe that miracles do happen. i survived the trip and most of all, i felt the presence of God again. i havent been talking to the Big Guy on the heavens for a long time now. and im glad i did because i've realised that theres so much to tell him. monday morning, i went inside on one of the prayer cells there in antipolo to have a private place to pray in and do whatever. at first i didnt know how to start praying-a little ironic because im always used be a prayer leader in my youth group. haha. there i am staring at the white wall and contemplating on what to say to God. i was silent for a couple of minutes, so i decided to lie down on the floor. staring at the ceiling now, i began to recall what i've been doing for the past years--how i've been hurt and how i've hurt the people around me, the lies that i told, the vices that i've acquired, the lustful thoughts, the not-so-nice remarks, the endless swears, the situation im in... there were a lot of stuff that came in my mind that i cried. i cried so hard. i did not prayed like a sorry-assed gal who asks for repentance and for God to save her or something. i just lied there on the floor, talking to him like a friend and like we have a personal relationship or something. i felt like i was pouring out myself to Him and after what seemed like forever, i fell asleep. i was exhausted because of crying. or i guess i was exhausted because i realised what a sinner i was. after an hour and a half of praying, crying and sleeping, i went outside and smelled the fresh air, feeling light as a feather. i was refreshed and i guess my burdens were a lot lighter now. and i didnt even felt that i was hungry anymore. haha.


before we left antipolo, we had a bountiful late-lunch at the cafeteria. burp. delicious pakbet and adobo. *drools*... CONCLUSION: it is up to us to let God in our lives. and i realised that He is a patient God. see, i've been ignoring Him for the past years and still, i know He is not a bit mad (bec im still alive, haha)... and sometimes we need to get away from the city. escape the hurly-burly and all the chaos in our lives and just be somewhere quiet. we need to be still and reflect on with our lives or else we'll all continue to be robots. its fun to go somewhere and admire God's creations once in a while. and when you do, you'll realise your sole purpose here on earth.


i cant say that i have totally changed because we all know that changing isnt overnight. but i had a different look in life. a more positive one. and im glad thet my bestfriend is now smiling (because she's been crying for the past weeks and it just breaks my heart). we all had genuine smiles on our faces, and i think with that, we are helping the world to be a better place to live in, with our own little ways. thank God i have a wonderful family and friends. i know im a better person because of them... love u guys...


a big shout to leeann: when you're down, remember what mr. rabbit(or kangaroo?) said...
joyce: i miss you so much and i just want you to know that im just waiting for you... and im always here...
jc: you are a vain guy, but kewl. take care of your sisters of else...
BOL guys and gals: thanks for being so nice and friendly...

joke joke joke

joke, joke, joke.

on the lighter side of life, here are some gross but funny jokes selene taught me the other day. nyahahahahha!!!

anong sabi ng utot sa tae?
"pare, una muna ko"
anong sabi ng tae sa kapwa tae?
"pare walang tulakan!!"
anong sabi ng sipon sa kulangot?
"manigas ka dyan!"
anong mas matibay? pwet o ngipin?
PWET. baket? ang pwet kayang pumutol ng tae.
ikaw nga putulin mo tae gamit ngipin mo, kaya ba?

nyahahahahahahahahahahahhahah. la lang.

rain, rain, go away.

this is a perfect time to melodramatically rant about my day. its raining hard outside. high school students here in st. scho are supposed to be having their intramurals and for starters, their field dance or demo or whatever it is that they're doing were instantly stopped because the rain just poured in without any prior notice. tsk tsk tsk. poor higschools. all those weeks of bloody and sweaty practice has just gone down to the drain. curse you mother nature. you did it again. you drenched all these young girls' day. shame on you! beh!

anyways, this morning i was not able to attend my biology class. if you think that i didnt wake up again on time, well, you are damn wrong. i woke up on time, had a shower and even had a breakfast. on my way to school, i suddenly felt a nasty grumble in my tummy. and with no other options, i headed back to my dorm and, you know, shit the shit out of me. nyuuuck. its a good thing my class didnt have a test or something. whoooo. its feels good to shit when your really wanted and really needed(badly) to shit... haaaayyy.. these are the simple joys of life. its a total bliss. haha..(im getting a little disgusting here.. eeeew.) gotta stop this shit talk or else no one will read my blogs anymore. haha!

this morning, after 3 days of uber so cold treatment from my sister(we had a fight 3 days ago), she finally talked to me. before she left for school, she paused at the door and said "avi, may blueberry cheesecake sa ref. sayo na lang."... well, there was no formal sorry's or apologies. just those simple words meant that we're okay again. thank God. hay, sisters will be sisters. haha.

oh, and before i go, i just want to discuss about what my classmates were talking about this morning. they were talking about lesbianism. and i was a little shock when i found out that some of my classmates whom i've known to be girly-girls are bisexuals and lesbians as well. i DO NOT hate lesbians and gays. its just that i cant grasp the idea of having a mutual relationship with the same sex. what's wrong with being straight?? maybe they don't know the feeling of being courted, and lalo na, the feeling of dating a guy. we girls are blessed because we are meant to be loved and protected and cared for by the guys, and i just dont get it why some others will trade it all just to be a man. i am currently living and studying in an all-girl community, and sometimes its sickening to discuss this matter with them. because they wont even listen-and care. well, that's their life and i respect them for who they are. this morning when they are discussing about their "crushes", i just left them and told them that i was going to the cyber nook. cant stand the idea talking about this issue again. gah. respect. respect each and everyone here. yep.

la lang

im beginning to be like mr. grinch these past few days. i think im starting to despise chrsitmas...

im a christmas person in every aspect-i love giving gifts, making the tree, preparing for the festivities, going to church and do the simbang gabi thing, etc, etc. but now christmas season is approaching and i find myself hating evey minute of it. i guess its because my sister and i will be here all alone in pinas, away from our family and the country that we loved so much. i cant bear to stay with my titas and titos because it will just remind me how a family celebrates christmas. i've done it for the past 2 years and believe me-its hurts like hell. you see them in front of you, hugging and kissing and exchanging gifts. and all you got is a very unpersonalized gift from them(say a box of panty that you dont even like and worse, it doesnt fit you at all) and an emotional call from your family from abroad. ugh. i feel like annie from "annie the musical". see, she's an orphan who wishes that someday, someone will appear on the orphanage door and claim her and take her home. well lucky for her, someone did. (way too lucky pa nga because the man who claimed her was filthy rich. not to mention that he's also loving and caring. a real parent material). anyways im beginning to be annoyingly pathetic. and way too dramatic. i miss my family! sob.. sob.. sob...

i have decided to spend this coming christmas with my bestfriend leeann and jc and joyce (who on the other hand, are also lone drifters like us, they will also spend a parentless christmas here in pinas). since we will all be stuck here, aba, might as well enjoy it. i just hope we wont cry together on christmas eve. hay.

so much for the chrsitmas talk, its still freakin november for heaven's sake!!! right now my thoughts are diverted to my next class: phil history. i have to meet again that scary professor i was talking about on my last blog. last time she gave us an assignment to read chapter 1 of our book. i was shit scared that i think i overdid it. i read it like 4 times. gah!! puta... okay i have to go now and contemplate about my latest seating position. i have to think where to sit best so that i can hide from her cold and piercing look. yikes!!!! i hope she wont call me and ask questions... please Lord, let me be invisible in phil history class today... huhu... que horror...

later, blog...